Tag Archives: conversion stories

Conversion Memoir Entry #4: Discovering My Marriage as a Sacrament

wedding-rings-photo-2013-wedding-ring-on-hand-670x350But for one particular individual, I may never have become Catholic; without this person I may never have experienced the amazing graces that have flooded my life in the last two years. That person is my husband, Mike.

Mike and I came into the Catholic Church together, with our two children at the time (ages 2 and 2 months). Not only did we convert together, but the journey of inquiry into Catholicism was a shared experience the whole way. It seemed that God was moving our hearts simultaneously, and to have the support and companionship of your spouse during such a process was a great blessing. It is not often the case. Many converts journeys, such as Scott and Kimberly Hahn’s story, involve different timelines for spouses entering the church — if the experience is even mutual at all.

We had most of the same questions and concerns in common during our investigation into Catholicism, but Mike was the one who started seeking first and kept pushing us on along the way. Sometime in 2010, after finishing a one-year period of study at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California, he read Christian Smith’s How to Go from Being a Good Evangelical to a Committed Catholic in Ninety-Five Difficult Steps, and then he passed it on to me. When I finally finished it, I realized that I resonated with every single step. In fact, Smith had given words to inclinations that I never had words for regarding certain problematic aspects of Protestant doctrines or practices. Reading that book started a dialogue between me and Mike, and from that point on Mike would keep us moving forward with the question: Okay, what do we do with that?

I wasn’t reflective of it at the time, but looking back I realize that my marriage was the main vehicle bringing me into the Catholic Church. I was seeking truth and seeking God’s will, but I was less aware until after the fact that it was my marriage that was aligning me with God’s will for my life — making me holier. I was living sacramentally; I just didn’t know it yet — because evangelical Protestant denominations do not profess a sacramental theology or speak of marriage as a sacrament. Monsignor Charles Pope is the priest that celebrated our confirmation mass, bringing us into the Church and baptizing our boys. During our preparatory meetings with him he explained the seven sacraments of the church, of which marriage is one. Of course the Catholic Church recognizes (valid) Protestant marriages and baptisms. We didn’t get “re-married” or “re-baptized” when we entered the church. So my marriage always was a sacrament, and I always had the opportunity to receive the graces from that sacrament, but I was going along without conceiving of it that way.

Now, as a Catholic, my perspective of my marriage is so much richer; I understand the ways in which my marriage creates opportunities for God’s grace in my life. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

“This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they ‘help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children.’

Christ is the source of this grace. ‘Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony.’ Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to ‘be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,’ and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love.”¹

God is using my marriage to help me get ready for heaven, to prepare me for being in His presence. My marriage is not just some accessory of my life; it’s my vocation. My marriage does’t exist to make me happier (in terms of base-level happiness), but to make me holier. Many would rebuff at this statement; it goes against our society’s consumeristic and individualistic frameworks. One of the reasons that sacramental marriage in the Church is not the same as conceptions of marriage by the state is that they exist for different ends. The state emphasizes contractual language in the relationship; the Church emphasizes covenant language in the sacrament. Civil unions create partnerships and agreements based on one person fulfilling the needs and the expectations of the other, and–as with other contracts–when one end of the bargain is  not fulfilled the other is released from obligation, and the union can be dissolved. (Actually, it can be dissolved for no reason.)

The sacrament of marriage in the Catholic Church is indissoluble; it’s not a contract created by human law. It is the mystical union of two souls by God that creates a covenant relationship, the purpose of which extends far beyond my own personal wants and needs. The Catechism puts it powerfully:

“The purpose of the sacraments is to sanctify men, to build up the Body of Christ and, finally, to give worship to God. Because they are signs they also instruct. They not only presuppose faith, but by words and objects they also nourish, strengthen, and express it. That is why they are called ‘sacraments of faith.'”²

When in faith I come to the sacrament, it is my own faith that is strengthened and nourished. Moreover, not only does my marriage exist to sanctify me and my husband; it also edifies others within the church, and my faithfulness within my marriage is an act of worship to my God — the one who created me, redeemed me, and sanctifies me.

There is a great temptation — I have experienced it and fallen prey to it — for the married individual to look everywhere other than his or her spouse for a method of spiritual renewal. Perhaps there is a new book, perhaps more prayer, perhaps many things. Of course these all are worthy pursuits. Yet, God in his wisdom designed an avenue by which we can obtain holiness as married individuals — union with our spouses. My husband is the best mirror I have for revealing my sinful flaws and selfish inclinations. Quite honestly, if he wasn’t in my life — if I was running solo — there would be many flaws that I could easily ignore. There is a wonderful grace that God gives in the gift of a spouse, because your spouse doesn’t need to be perfect to help you reveal your flaws and the ways in which your faith needs to grow. Each in their own shortcomings husband and wife reveal the other’s deepest brokenness and provide opportunities for personal holiness, opportunities for blessing other believers, and (most importantly) opportunities for worshipping our great God.


¹ Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 1641-1642

² CCC 1123

Conversion Memoir Entry #2: Reinventing the Wheel

“In general, throughout the work, what is new is not good; and what is good is not new.” – Rev. Martin Sherlock, comments on reviewing a collection of letters (1781)

There is this constant obsession within certain clusters of the Evangelical tradition to re-invent the wheel when it comes to the style and format of church. Perhaps this perpetual motion stems from the Protestant mantra “reformed and always reforming,” though the historical context for that phrase has more to do with the integrity of Christian doctrine and theology. As both a church attendee and a leader in various ministry roles throughout my teen and adult life, the idea that the Church should constantly be reinventing herself is one I heard expressed frequently, though in sometimes subtle ways.

Every Sunday or Wednesday night “production” had to be better than the week before. Every semon had to leave an impression of the speaker, and every worship segment had to dazzle and move the audience to new emotional highs. This was my experience of Church – little aesthetic or ritual permanance, a lack of “sacred” spaces or activities, and almost nothing that couldn’t be overhauled and done differently the next week. Quite frankly, by my mid to late 20s I was exhausted by the never-ending expedition for a fresh expression of church.

Nowhere is this phenomenon more evident than in the American Evangelical church planting movement of recent decades. Every protestant church planter that I have encountered has one thing in common with the others: they are sincerely seeking the best expression of “church” that could exist. They may start at different vantage points or by asking different questions. Some might be seeking the thing that they believe their current expression of church is missing; others may be trying to bring in seekers, attempting to identify the fundamental quality that will make the non-churched want to belong to a church community. I remember being part of those conversations, earnestly asking questions about how to repair broken church models. However, some solutions (good ones) that various leaders came up with were often accompanied by a statement or implication that caused me pause: “This is the way the Church was really meant to be.”

During my time questioning many of the practices and beliefs within the Evangelical tradition, it seemed to me that the current church-planting movement in America was opperating on one or both of the following assumptions: (1) that orthodox Christianity has essentially gotten it wrong for 2000 years; and (2) that what may have worked during certain periods of history is now in need of an overhaul or an “update.” Honestly, neither of these assumptions ever really sat well with me, but I had no logical basis for them not sitting well.

After all, I grew up within the Evangelical tradition generally, and no one denomination in particular. Every church that I had ever attended represented a split-off of a split-off of a split-off. The very nature of the Evangelical movement involved a diversity of expressions of church and denominations of Christianity, within the parameters of a Fundamentalist or Evangelical confession of faith. So the idea of continually trying “new” things was not foreign to the overall tradition in which I was raised. That tradition lacked a significant amount of history, and as a result, I grew to realize that I completely lacked a historical understanding of orthodoxy. I was largely ignorant of the centuries of church history that built the tenets of Christian faith that I (and other Evangelicals) took for granted in present day American Christian cultures.

As I became more aware of my lack of historically comprehending my faith, I was forced to identify a troubling aspect of the books that I was reading on Christianity – the books that most young evangelicals and post-evangelicals were reading; they lacked a historical comprehension of the faith as well. These books were mostly really new and theologically and intellectually “light.” Rob Bell, Erwin McMannis, Don Miller, and Brian McLaren were having an impact on my generation. They were saying things that resonnated with young adults – making them think about their faith in ways that they never had before. However, (like Sherlock’s quote above) the problem I came to identify was that some of the good things that they were saying were in no way new (they were centuries old), and some of the new things that they were proposing were not really all that good.

For example, Rob Bell scandalized many theologically conservative Protestants with his 2011 publication of Love Wins: A Book about Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived. In that book he posed many questions about how we know who will be in heaven or hell, who gets “saved” or not, whether or not everyone makes it to heaven, etc. Essentially, anyone who tracks with John Piper or holds to the doctrine of Predestination (and certainly the idea that some are Predestined for hell) would write-off Bell just a few pages into the book.

However, for many young evangelicals (and not so young ones), these were questions they had themselves wrestled with privately, having been given only simplistic pastoral explanations of how salvation functioned in Christianity. Many people had asked similar questions: Will my relatives who never set foot in church but were the kindest people I had ever met not be in heaven with me? What about those people in the world who have never heard of Jesus? Does the murdering rapist who on his deathbed makes a confession of faith in Jesus end up in heaven too?

These are good questions! They are natural questions, and many Evangelicals I knew were so intrigued to hear a Christian pastor/author bluntly asking them. However, they are not in anyway new questions, and Rob Bell’s ideas on the subject are by no means original and not terribly developed. Theological discussions about heaven, hell, the existance of both, and how people end up in either place date back centuries. There is a rich body of theological discussion and doctrine on these topics, thanks to centuries of Catholic and Orthodox thought and Church councils. However, somehow Bell managed to write a whole book about these issues without referencing much of the vast theological dicussions or many of the significant theologians that contributed to them.

There seemed to be two different, yet common, responses to Bell’s book. There were those who called him a heretic and lamented his decent from orthodoxy, and then there were those who thought Bell had unearthed new theological ground. Both responses from various Protestant and Evangelical groups shared one thing in common – a Christian paradigm that lacked a solid historical framework for the development of orthodox thought.

I also operated according to such a paradigm most of my Christian life, and since my realization of this deficit in my faith perspective I have come a long way. But I often think that I’m making up for lost time as a new Catholic. There is so much richness to be discovered – so much beautiful history of the development and preservation of Church doctrine that I often find myself regretting the years I spent ignorant of it. Yet, at the same time, the more I uncover at this point in my life the more precious it is to me. It’s a grace.

While my experience in the various Evangelical circles in which I was raised revealled a startling lack of historical perspective, that certainly does not mean that I think all Protestant groups or individuals lack a historical knowledge of the development and preservation of Christian doctrine, as I did. Moreover, those Protestant groups and individuals that have a richer historical framwork seem much less prone to constantly overhaulling the style and format of “church.”

My personal inquiry into Church history led me to become Catholic; but there are many Protestant friends I have with a strong understanding of Church history who have not come to the same theological conclusions. I am, and always will be, an ecumenical Christian who embraces and strives for Protestant-Catholic dialogue. My hope is that, through continued dialogue, others—Protestants and Catholics alike—will seek to deepen the historical framework for their Christian faith. In doing so, they may discover—as I did—some very good aspects of the Christian tradition that are not new at all; and in turn, they may abandon novel pursuits that are revealled to lack sufficient good.

____________________________

References:

Bell, Rob. Love Wins: A Book about Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived. New York: HarperCollins, 2011.

Sherlock, Rev. Martin. Letters on Several Subjects. Vol. 2, Letter XIV, pp. 128 -129. London: J. Nichols, T. Cadell, P. Elmsly, H. Payne and N. Conant, 1781.

Conversion Memoir Entry #1: Did I Ever Think I Would Become Catholic?

No. Well, obviously at some point close to conversion I had to actually consider becoming Catholic. However, growing up, the thought had never crossed my mind. I didn’t really know any Catholics. I had encountered some as literary figures. I occasionally met former Catholics within the Evangelical churches of my youth. Most of them seemed to be from Catholic-in-name-only families who never encountered the person of Christ until their adult experiences inside the Evangelical Tradition. But I didn’t personally know any practicing Catholics, and it never occurred to me in my adolescence or college years to explore Catholic Church teaching. So, did I ever think I would become Catholic? No.  That is not a “no” out of any previous anti-Catholic sentiment. It just wasn’t anywhere on my radar, and I was truly completely ignorant of Catholicism (and church history in general). In fact, had someone told me I would become Catholic 10 years ago, they would probably have gotten the same blank look in response as if they had told me I would be moving to a remote island and living in a tent for the rest of my days. Interactions with Catholicism were just not part of my world.

At least, encountering real Catholicism was foreign. In the absence of learning about Catholicism from any primary sources in my youth, the snippets I gathered were from well-meaning Evangelical leaders and Sunday School teachers. Unfortunately, these descriptions amounted to some of the common misconceptions of Catholics and Catholicism that circulate within some Protestant groups and churches:

“Catholicism is a cult;” “Catholics worship Mary;” and “the Pope is the Anti-Christ.”

So, since I didn’t plan to join a cult, worship Mary, or get involve in the same organization as the possible Anti-Christ — no, I never thought about becoming Catholic.

However, as I got closer to converting a few years ago (and in the time since), two things have become clear to me: (1) many Evangelical Protestants in the tradition in which I grew up hold a view of Catholicism that is based largely on misconceptions of the Church’s teaching, and (2) many lapsed or former Catholics that ended up in Evangelical churches (at least most of the ones I have met) hold either similar misconceptions or significant ignorance of what the Catholic Church (and Catechism) actually teaches. Why is this the case? Well, there are numerous reasons. Some people, no matter what tradition or denomination they are from, simply are not that intellectually curious about investigating matters of faith and theology. They will take the word of someone they trust–a pastor, Sunday School teacher, Priest, Catholic school teacher, an outspoken peer, a friend–and never investigate primary sources of information for themselves.

IMG_0668Others have grown up in nominally Christian or Catholic homes, lacking a rich and authentic faith experience at the domestic level. Certainly some Catholics or former Catholics I have met (who know very little actual Church teaching) came from homes that did not regularly practice their faith and only attended church a few times a year. The equivalent happens in Protestant traditions as well. If this is your childhood experience of faith–whether Protestant or Catholic–it is not hard to see how young adults start searching for a different experience in another denomination or tradition, mistakenly thinking that their experience mirrors the actual Church teaching or prescribed practice.

Another significant cause of misconceptions of the Catholic faith–particularly for non-practicing or lapsed Catholics–is that they were never properly Catechized (instructed in the teaching of the Catechism of the Catholic Church). Perhaps they grew up during the “beige Catholicism” of the 60s and 70s. Perhaps they lived in a geographical area or belonged to a particular parish that would not be described as “faithfully” Catholic. Regardless of the reasons, and there are many, numerous misconceptions of Catholicism certainly exist today–among both Protestants and Catholics. I have first-hand knowledge of this, both as a former Protestant and a current Catholic.

For plenty of years I let such misconceptions fed to me go unchecked. It wasn’t until I started investigating various misgivings I had about my own tradition that I started to realize I had allowed myself to remain quite ignorant of both Catholic doctrine and Church history in general. I had taken so much of my faith–and major aspects of orthodox Christianity–for granted my whole life. I never stopped to ask who was responsible for preserving my faith over the centuries, how and why various doctrines came to be, or where and when the precious Scriptures were assembled and preserved for the ages. I only got beyond superficial misconceptions of the Catholic faith once I started actually studying it. Ultimately, it was my responsibility to do so, because–ultimately–I will be responsible before God for the faith that I have practiced. Most of us have negative religious experiences somewhere in our lifetimes; it is an unfortunate common occurrence in any denomination. There are plenty of erroneous sources of theology and plenty more incorrect examples of “faithful Christian living.” But we will never get past these misconceptions of other faith traditions if each of us doesn’t do his or her part to investigate the truth.

Why is it important for misconceptions to be erased? Because Protestants and Catholics will have a hard time entering into true dialogue, and thereby edifying each other in lasting ways, if they are not. There certainly are significant differences between Catholic and Protestant theology, and those will remain regardless of misconceptions being rectified. But isn’t it important that we know what our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ actually believe? There are plenty of Protestants I know who will probably never become Catholic, even though they rightly understand Catholic Church teaching and doctrine. But they are able to dialogue with their Catholic friends and partner with them on various projects and causes in the world because they rightly understand them and their theological perspectives. For me, resolving my misconceptions of Catholicism was the first step to becoming Catholic; for others, it may be the first step to discovering fellow Christ-followers who can enrich your own faith and partner with you on common causes for the Kingdom. I’ll take either outcome.